Fear is not a friend

Today I was working on Naoimi's photo album. So far I think it is pretty cool. We also got her a dress and some shoes. It is hard to say what size she would wear because she is so thin. She is 38 inches tall, two inches taller than my 3 year old. So I tried dresses on my 3 year old thinking about where the dress would be in length. I do not want it to be to short. I wound up getting her a 5T. We also got her shoes. I got some that are adjustable. We got a size 12 because other moms with daughters her age have said their children were between 10-13 so I figured 12 might work. I would rather they be a little to big than too small.
So I wonder what Naoimi might think when she recieves these things? What will she think when she looks at pictures of me and my husband, my son and daughters? What will she think of the pictues of the house and her room? Will she be excited, afraid, not care maybe. I have a horrible fear of letting her down. I know the Lord is in control but what if we cannot raise this money? I cannot bear to think about this. I fear she will get sicker and sicker. I fear that she will die as I am trying to come up with this money. God will provide for his will. I am bad...bad me for even thinking these things. But I am so afraid.
My husband and I found out that his company will reimburse us for $10,000 of adoption costs. When she gets home, we send them all the cancelled checks and all the money we paid for the adoption and they send us a check for that amount. This makes not having the money even more frustrating because I would get it all back. Argh x a thousand. Well Naoimi we continue to work for you kid, we will get you home.....we will.